What Breaks My Heart

I had a moment today, a  moment where my heart cried.

It was an early day, I had an appointment at the Chiropractor at 8 so I was up especially early to catch the bus out there (I can never thank Logan's free bus system enough).  On my way home after visiting the office I had just transferred buses at the depot when a lady sitting across the way from me complimented my shoes.  She seemed kinda cool so I struck up a conversation with her.  She was a little older than me and she had the cutest little newborn baby girl with her.  As we chatted she asked me where I was from and I mentioned that I hailed from Salt Lake.  She herself was originally from Pocatello.

I was rather upset at what came next in the conversation "caveat: this is slightly paraphrase":

"Did you like living in Salt Lake or do you prefer it here?  I mean besides the people. because the people here suck...."

I was a little taken aback by that comment and asked her what she meant:

"Well you know, I smoke and everyone around here just gives me the most awful looks all the time."

I felt so horrible for this poor young woman.

It truly breaks my heart when I hear things like this.  It hurts even more when I look back and realize just how often I hear this.  Now whether you think this is a good or bad thing I have a propensity for not coming across as "Mormon".  In some contexts I can see how that could shine down badly on me but most of the time when I hear it I choose to take it as a compliment.  Mainly because a lot of the time what these people usually tell me after that comment is that they don't feel judged or looked down on by me.

Now isn't that how a good LDS saint is supposed to be? So why do so many people associated us with the reverse? Why do we get such a bad rap?  It is precisely because of the kind of people who gave that young woman those looks.

What right do any of us have to make her feel like that?  To place ourselves above her?

"Do not hate me because I sin differently than you."

People make their choices in life and that is their right, we may not agree with their choices but it was theirs and that is their AGENCY.  That trait we all claim to love so much.  How poorly does it shine down upon our heads when so many associate us so negatively?

Just because someone made different choices than you does not mean they deserve your disdain.

Growing up in a..... let's say "colorful" family, I know how deeply these kinds of actions can hurt and scar and drive people away.  And I know how even though they have made mistakes my family is made of some of the most wonderful, loving, and marvelous people I know.

It is not and will NEVER be our place to judge anyone.

So next time you see someone who lives their life in a different manner than you, remember all the mistakes you've made in your life (and i know you have) and try to show a little less judgment and a little more love.

-From My Heart to Yours

To Hate or Not to Hate: Is that even a question?

A little while ago a good friend of mine asked me to watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdjoHA5ocwU&feature=share

After I spared the little over a minute to watch the campaign video he asked me one simple question: Did I think the video was racist?

I was intrigued by that question and set about pondering on my response. I evaluated the feelings that had come over me as I watched it and i carefully formed my opinion.

I think I'll wait a moment to share it with you :)

Because first I want to let you in on a way of thinking that I have. Now, everyday we are surrounded by people-obviously haha :) - and those people are saying things and doing things and we have no control over what it is they say and do. People form opinions they make comments, they execute actions, all the while we are inundated with this information and through it we form our own opinions, make our own comments, and execute our own actions.

Now there are many ways to process all this information but to me it boils down to a very simple truth: we may not choose what people say and do, but we do get to choose how the things people say and do will affect us.

With that in mind we can also come to discover that you can find any kind of meaning in anything if you are looking for it. So to explain, if you want to hate someone then it's possible to find something to hate them for in anything they do despite what their intentions might actually be. Likewise, if you want to love someone you can find a reason to love them in anything they do, again, despite what their intentions might be.

So what does that mean for us? It means we have a hard challenge to face. You see in my personal opinion we should always strive to interpret what people do and say based on what their intentions are not on what we want to see them as. Yet, barring having a close personal relationship with them that allows you to actually know their intentions-or the ever popular mind reading option which if you are particularly gifted at please give me a call ;)- it can be difficult to know what someones true intentions are.

This is the point where I have a tiny aneurysm and writhe on the floor in my confusion and pain....... and then  after a few quiet words of comfort to my poor conflicted self I pick myself up and figure out a solution.  So here's how I see it.  In life we have to make judgements to a certain degree.  It's part of making decisions and analyzing situations.  We rarely ever are blessed with all the facts and even more rarely with all the perspectives of a case so we do the best we can based on what we have.  But here comes the key: do not mistakenly project your feelings.

There a many different ways in which we do this:

1) We dislike some of the decisions a person had made in the past and automatically hyperinflation those few poor decisions into a judgement of their entire character and suddenly every thing they do and say must be taken in as bad a way as you can think of. (such as in the case of this video)

2) Upon first meeting someone they may do one small thing that was displeasing to you and suddenly you color everything they do with a tone of distaste.

3) Experiences of the past cause you to project your negative feelings of people who were once cruel to you upon others who remind you of them which prevents you from seeing these new people for who they truly are.

People are a myriad of complex emotions and decision making processes.  It can be difficult to pick them apart and make heads or tails of what they mean, but neither should we simply jump to the negative.  You can make a simple judgement when necessary but leave your heart open to change.  Give humanity some wiggle room because we all know we've been on the giving and the receiving end of many of the scenarios above and no one's is perfect.  We need not be overly trusting but neither should we be overly critical.

So to come full circle I'll share my simple feelings on the video above.  Yes, he did not choose the best wording and it could easily be taken in an offensive manner.  Yes, there were probably a myriad of different ways he could have approached the situation.  But is this video racist? No i do not think it is.  Yes it can be taken that way but based on the knowledge I have at my hands right now I choose to believe that that was not his INTENTION.  So I choose not to be offended.

After all, if I took offense at every little comment that could possibly be construed that way I would be a pretty pissed off person.

But frankly I love life way too much to waste any of it going down that road ;)

-From My Heart To Yours

Light

It's been awhile since I've posted here, sorry for the slacking :) Life's been crazy, what with me running off to China and then Japan and having to keep up with my other blog (if you haven't seen it, go ahead and give it a glance at http://aworldofamillioncolors.blogspot.com), but today, here I sat thinking and pondering over the last few months and I realized that it was time for me to get back to sharing with all of you.

So today I want to talk about potential. That special light that is inside of each of us. The one we tend to hide, or maybe not even see.

As I've grown throughout my life I've come to realize one simple truth. You are the master of your own destiny; you determine the confines of your life. No matter what people say, what happens to you, or how crappy life gets; your life is in your hands. No one CAN do it for you, and no one WILL do it for you.

Life is hard; you will be beaten down, knocked over, and bruised up. You will be teased, yelled at, and ridiculed. I'm not going to tell you that everything is going to be OK, because frankly some times it won't. Some days I wake up and all I can think about is how I just want everything to stop hurting so bad.

LIFE SUCKS! Right? who's ever thought that to themselves? And don't you dare lie to me!

But in it's infinite suckage, that is where we are able to truly appreciate how much.... it doesn't suck. Think about it this way: If you had never felt anything but the cold your entire life, if you had never felt the suns rays on you, how could you ever really know what it was like to be warm?

So now I come to my point. You have the potential to transcend every boundary, every obstacle, every trial that is thrust in your way. You can CHOOSE to be happy, to look on the bright side, to find that light inside you. You can CHOOSE to let that potential out, to show it to the world, and to let everyone know who you are. Don't hide behind your insecurities, your uncertainties, your fears. Don't let the fear of failure stop you from trying. Reach out, reach up, and feel the sun on your face.

YOU. ARE. AMAZING!

You are a gift to this world; don't hide it. Don't fear it. Cherish it. Develop it. Own it.

Life was meant to be LIVED. So go out there and LIVE IT.

-From My Heart To Yours

Check It Out!

Hey everyone! Just a quick post to tell you all about a new blog I'm starting up! It's not replacing this one though so don't worry! My new blog is called A World of A Million Colors and is going to be dedicated to sharing my experiences as I travel and explore. Starting with my fast-coming trip to China this fall! Check it out at http://aworldofamillioncolors.blogspot.com

Looking and Seeing

When you look, do you see?

It can be so easy to misconstrue the two. Some may think they mean the same thing, but the truth is that they are two very different things. You can look at something every day of your life and never really see it.
Take a person for example. Through the hustle and bustle of our daily lives we watch people pass us by. Friends, family, acquaintances, strangers; all parading across the stage of life. We look at them, but how often do we take the time to really see them? to slow down and really get to know them, to see the light of their spirit.

They are more than just faces.

The complexity of humanity is never ending and beautiful. Our individuality brings the spice to life and we should continually be striving to see it. When we let those around us pass by without giving them a second thought we miss out on countless opportunities to grow and learn. We can't be blinded by our cares, our worries, or our prejudices.

So next time you're looking around at the world, take a moment, and just SEE.

-From My Heart to Yours

Freedom from Pain

The other day I was upset. Now, I make it a point in my life to always find the best in every situation and to find the joy in life no matter what, so when I'm upset I do my best to figure out why, and what I can do about it. Sometimes, the best medicine for the wounds of life are friends. :) One friend of mine in particular has helped me back up more times than I can remember. He talked with me and helped me to see the light again. Now I want to share with all of you the wise words he spoke to me that night mixed in with my personal take on them.
Pain is almost always connected to one of two sources: anger, or fear (or both). We feel pain because we either cannot let go of our malice towards a situation, or because we are afraid of inadequacy, rejection, the feelings that might come from facing certain problems, or any number of life's trials thrown our way.
There's is no easy way to free ourselves of pain, but there is a way. We need to face the things we fear, we need to accept our fear, realize it, then have the courage to deny it, and move forward despite the risks. If we are holding onto anger, we must learn the hardest lesson of life, to love. When we can allow ourselves to see the Light of Christ that lives in the spirit's of every son and daughter of God on earth, it is impossible to not let our anger go. For love and hatred cannot and will not ever reside in the same heart.
Pain is an inevitability. Life will hurt. Sometimes we're gonna get a brick to the face for no apparent reason. It's our job to pick ourselves back up, look the world in the eye and say, "I will not back down, I will not give up, and I WILL prevail."
Pain and sorrow only have as much power over us as we allow them to. We have the power to free ourselves from their grasp.
To all of those who are reading this I want you to know one thing: No matter who you are or what you do, you are NEVER alone. God will be forever by your side, all you have to do is reach out and take his hand. My heart is full of the love I have for all of you. It is a blessing every day of my life to be surrounded by brothers and sisters wherever I go. May you all find peace, and may you all feel the infinite and abounding Love of God in your lives.
-from my heart to yours

Perspective

What is perspective? What does it entail, and how do we acquire it? I've had many a long talk about this very subject. In my opinion to gain a good perspective on life is one of the most important things we can do. Perspective is the way we look at life. how we see people and how we interpret the things they do as well as the events that happen in our lives. It affects the way we interact with each other as well as the way we handle difficult situations. A person with a good perspective is able to see everyone they come across and appreciate their individuality and respect their differences. They are able to love people for being different rather than shun them. They learn from their differences. They are also able to gracefully traverse the trials of life, and learn and grow from them. So how do we gain perspective? The biggest suggestion I have is to meet people. The more different kinds of people you can befriend the more you learn. Even more importantly though is to get out of what you're used to. Travel, go someplace you've never been and see how different it is. Go to another country, make friends, appreciate their different culture. Then find the simialarities in everything around you that tie us all together into the great artwork that is humanity.
-From my heart to yours

Forever With Me

Loss comes in many forms. The most obvious of which is , of course, when a loved one passes away. But we feel loss in many other ways as well. Best friends drift apart, a couple breaks up, life gets in the way. Sometimes I look back and I think about all the people that have passed through my life. Some are still here, but there are those whose time with me was brief. Sometimes It makes me sad to think of those people who were so influential in my life, and who I have now drifted so far from. Then I remember that no matter how far away our lives take us, those people will always be with me. They are part of the intertwining fibers that make up the tapestry of who I am. They will always be with me because they are part of me. Each and every spirit that has touched mine has left it's print upon me. I would not be who I am today without them. God sends people to us for a reason, because there is something we are meant to learn. We must cherish every moment and every memory. Never mourn for those we have lost, for they live on forever within us.
-From my heart to yours

Every New Year Means a New Opportunity

Every New Year I like to take a moment and look back. Look back and remember all the things, good and bad, that have happened. If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it is that every single moment has an everlasting impact on who we are and on who we will become. Every day is a new opportunity.
Every year I pick something to focus on in my life. I don't mean the typical resolution. I mean something deeper, some vital part of who I am. This year I've chosen to focus on something that I think is one of the most vital parts of life: Love. I know it sounds cheesy, but I truly believe that if we can learn to love than we can do anything in this life. My New Year's resolution this year is to learn to truly love, and not only to love others but also to love myself. Love is unconditional pure and enduring, but its also unpredictable scary and sometimes a little crazy. But when we are able to open are hearts, look at someone and say, "I know you're not perfect, I know you will make mistakes, and I know that you may even hurt me some day, but I love you regardless", it is the most powerful thing in the world.
-From my heart to yours

Finding Balance

Each and every day is a new adventure. One full of the unknown, and the unpredictable. It can be so easy to lose balance. To find yourself floundering. We need to be able to regain this balance. To find the place in our lives where everything feels right. In my eyes, the first step in achieving this balance in life is to first find it in ourselves. I know as much as the next person how wonderful it is to sleep in. However, I think it is so important to give yourself time every morning (whether it's 5 min or 20 min) to just sit in quiet and peace, and reflect on who you are. Your feelings, your moods, your spirit. Reflect, ponder, and recognize who you are and accept it. Don't make judgments, don't make decisions. Just accept, and love.
-From my heart to yours

Revamp

It's been a long time since I've written. Mostly it's because every time I get on I feel like I have nothing to say of importance. Mulling over the mundane events of my daily life hold no interest for me. So I've decided to try something new. My mind and heart are filled with thought and experiences that I long to share with people. I want to remake this blog so it's no longer me talking about me, but rather a place where I can pour out my heart and offer what little inspiration I can. President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others.” Well I intend to do my best to make a difference and share what I've been given with whoever cares to partake of it. I hope that in some small way I can show my love to each of you.
From my heart to yours,
Lorilei

testing

Heather Jo England Garrison

I went to a memorial service for Heather today. She passed away from cancer that she has been battling for five years. Never in all my life have I been to a more beautiful service. It was a testimony to the beautiful kind and loving person that Heather was. A room lit up when she walked into it. Anyone who knew her couldn't help but love her. The memorial service was at the Hale Center Theatre a place she was often seen along with her husband Bradford. They were both amazing performers. Close friends sung songs picked by Heather herself. She was truly an example to all of us. She gave everything and expected nothing back, and loved everyone she met unconditionally. If you didn't know already you would never guess she was sick. She was strong and beautiful. I love you heather, you will live on in the hearts of many people.

Ballroom!!

So I finally received an email from the USU ballroom team and i am so excited to annouce that I made it!! I will actually be performing on an official ballroom team and i couldn't possibly be any happier. I had to rearrange some of my classes for practices but it is totally worth it I must say ha ha.

Boys...ugh....

So this is definately a topic on my mind lately. I think it's about time someone figured out the answer to the age old question...... Why are all the awesome, funny, cool, extremely attractive guys always taken? I must have the worst timing lol. Oh well such is life ;) ha ha

Wrapping Up Another Year

Wow! I can hardly believe that another year of school has almost finished. Finals are but a few weeks away and then i will officially be a sophomore. My first year of college has been crazy!! I've loved every minute of it though. It's so nice to be out on my own for a change ha ha. I've discovered that i truly do love taking care of myself and I'm pretty good at it too lol. I've made so many new friends and I've really found myself these last few months. Now the only question is what am I gonna do with my summer?!

Snowboarding!!!

So I'm taking a snowboarding class through my college. I love it. and i'm actually really good at it. Unfortunately i fear my left arm may never be the same ha ha. I have a tendency to fall onto it lol so it hurts most every day. Today we learned about dynamic turning which is going from one edge to the other without going flat. It's more dificult but I feel that I will get it soon ha ha.

Watch Your Mouth

The other day I was headed home from dinner with the roomies. I was texting a friend who asked me where I had gone to eat. I was tryin to text that I had gone the The Junction, but my phone seemed bent on thwarting my efforts every time I attempted to type "Junction". Frustrated I suddenly yelled out loud, "You can't spell Juction!! What are ya stupid!!" My roomies stopped dead in their tracks doubled over laughing. Oh schadenfreude :P

Wrapping up

11 days. wow it seems so short lol. 11 more school days until my first semester of college is over. Its way crazy, it seems like just yesterday that I was moving in up here. I'm very excited for next semester of classes. I am going to be taking snoboarding!!! woohoo!!!! crazy how life speeds by isn't it?

Horse Necropsy

One of the most fascinating things i have ever seen. A poor horse had a diseases foot that could not be fixed and caused him constant pain so he had to be put down. Then afterwards they performed a necropsy for educational purposes. It was so cool